Atheist quotes

Each month, the people in the alt.atheism newsgroup vote for the best atheist quotes from the past month's postings.

Here are my favorites:

• Seems to me that Christians worship the incredible shrinking god. I mean at one time it was supposedly capable of flinging thousands of billions of galaxies into existence with a mere thought. By the time of Noah, it was reduced to flooding an insignificant speck in the cosmos. By the time of Moses, its best trick was moving a tiny portion of a minor sea aside for a short while. By the time of Jesus, it has to send a delegate on its behalf who leaves behind only rumors that he was able to turn water into another beverage, or render himself extra buoyant. Now it counts as a miracle if a water stain grows mold that kind of looks like a bearded face which could be claimed to resemble this supposed delegate. How much more pathetic can this god get? How do Christians manage to sing praises of its glory and greatness without feeling like fools--or at best, like new parents gushing over their toddler's ability to make a pee. -- Kronk

• In response to: You cannot make up God just as you cannot make up a periodic table to suit your own wishes.

  Then can you explain why there are several hundred thousand gods accepted by different religious people, but only one periodic table accepted by different scientists? -- Kirstin

• (Part of the "Top 12 Warning Signs of Mythical Gods"):
  6. Over the course of history, your religion tends to divide into various sectarian theologies corresponding to various personality types, cultures, and other social factors, rather than converging on a single, common, increasingly detailed and specific understanding of God's nature and will. -- Mark Nutter

• In response to: The study in question was looking to see if the presence of prayer influenced outcome. Although alledged to be a "double blind" study, there is no way to insure that the control group doesn't have anyone praying for them, therefore the whole design is flawed.

  What you are talking about is a *dose-response* curve. How does the quantity of prayer correlate to outcome? Does quality of prayer matter? Will prayer potency have to be measured and quantified? Are there toxic levels of prayer? Unintended side effects? Does tolerance develop over time? Are allergic reactions to prayer possible? How is the prayer effect mediated? Are there membrane receptors? Cytoplasmic receptors? Are there specific inhibitors that could compete with the prayers?

  I can see where a *lot* more research will be needed to answer these very relavant questions. -- MarkA

• In response to a news story of a close call with an asteroid:

  Thank you, lord, for protecting us from that big rock that you sent. -- MooJoo

• First of all, you are engaging in what I call the "Fallacy of Just", which is to imply that a given thing can be evaluated by its most generic aspects or features. As such, one could say that the Mona Lisa is "just pigments on a canvas" or that The Thinker is "just a bunch of granite". We are not "just matter in motion", we are a very unusual specific example of matter in motion. We have traits and properties that distinguish us from the vast majority of matter in the universe including, at the simple biological level, the properties of metabolism, reproduction, heredity, and so forth. Beyond that, we have the very unusual property of cognition and emotion. We are, quite literally, one of the few parts of the universe that can actually contemplate and have feelings about other parts of the universe. In even the most strictly objective terms, that makes us special, your efforts to imply that we are "just" matter not withstanding. -- Andrew Lias

• The only problem with baptists is they don't hold them under water long enough. -- Shell

• There's no reason, in theory, why god's presence couldn't be measured or detected in some way. The only reason that believers claim that god "can't" be detected in this way is because god *isn't* detected, and so a vast and intricate rationale has to be devised to explain this vast, loving, eternal, all-powerful "something" which is, in every external, objective respect, indistinguishable from nothing. -- NMS

• If atheism is a religion then abstinence is a form of sex. -- Karl Johanson

• If atheism is a religion, then not collecting stamps is a hobby. -- snex

• BTW, doesn't it seem odd that the "evidence for the existence of god" is completely hidden from the greatest human minds who spend their professional lives exploring how the universe functions, yet it is perfectly clear to uneducated simpletons who have access to internet-linked terminals? -- Fritz

• HUMILITY = BELIEVING THAT THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE WAS CREATED WITH YOU IN MIND -- Dr. Wedge

• Every christian who tries to escape the path of a speeding bullet with fear in his eye is an example of a "foxhole conversion" to atheism and proves they don't really believe in a heavenly paradise in the hereafter. There are a hell of a lot more of those conversions than there are of atheists to christians. -- Darrell Plank

• Can I just say how cute I think it is when a Christian thinks something is far-fetched? -- Sterling Crowe

• Christianity still practices virtual cannibalism by eating their GodŽ's body and drinking his blood during their rituals. They also venerate his execution by placing its depiction in a prominent position in their sanctuaries. Worshipers even go so far as to wear a miniature of the murder weapon as a necklace. Then, they have the temerity to complain about the violence depicted on television. -- Liz

• So, the Xian fundies want to slap the 10 commandments on the wall. I guess our school kids have a real problem with committing adultery and carving idols during school hours. -- Dr. Monkeyspank

• You know, this attitude astounds me. I consider myself the product of a marvelous and intricate four-billion plus year process that unifies me with the entire biological world at a very deep and intimate level. These people tend to see themselves as the product of some god's whim enacted upon some random lump of clay dredged from a river. And I am the one who is supposed to feel demeaned by my perceived origins? The mind boggles. -- Andrew Lias

• Think about it. A being capable of flinging hundreds of billions of galaxies into existence comes to one microbial blue speck in the cosmos, assumes the form of a human animal in a minor scrubland province in a primitive age, performs unremarkable tricks which any third rate magician these days can surpass, and he dies in total obscurity, unnoticed and unrecorded by any chronicler of the period, leaving behind only rumors that he was ever here at all--and even the paltry rumors are indistinguishable from the ordinary and commonplace myths that humans think up in abundance. Does that really make sense to you? Does that sound like the modus operandi of an omnipotent god? -- Kronk

• Lemme get this straight, you have "faith" in the existence of the most powerful being you can imagine, who's your best bud and who you can ask to do favors, and further you have "faith" that when you die you don't actually cease to exist and become worm food, but your magical buddy invites you to come live with him in the most wonderful place you can imagine, and we are the ones for whom truth has become "whatever works for you" or "whatever makes you feel good"??? LMAO! -- Bob Enweiven

• Isn't it ironic? One of the favorite themes of the Christian Conversion Corps is that, if we don't worship a deity, we must be worshiping ourselves. Yet it seems that this is precisely what, in fact, the theists themselves are doing. They worship a God with the same views, ideals, even personality traits as themselves - the God in the mirror. -- Rosa Williams

• Generally speaking, [people who claim to possess a living, interactive relationship with Christ] tend to have a relationship with a Jesus Christ who thinks very much as they do, and who shares their likes, dislikes and prejudices. -- Therion Ware

• I live in a culture that wholeheartedly embraces the idea that man is inherently evil, and that human beings will not behave themselves unless they live their short lives under the constant threat of immanent and eternal agony. Such a premise affects me very much; I have to live with these people, who one way or another are in constant fear of (not for) their own souls. I don't want my children associating with people who are trained from birth to loathe themselves. It strikes me as very unhealthy. -- Elf Sternberg

• I find it amusing when people see "the hand of god" in the smallest most trivial circumstance. It's like a greek-to-english pocket translator. Car wreck = God telling you not to drive. Booted off island = God teaching you humility. Supreme Court votes against public prayer = God is calling for armed revolt (see Pat Robertson). Infant child dies a horrible death = God's mysterious plan we mere humans can't understand. The almighty creator of all the cosmos has important messages for us which He communicates to us though such mundane events as burning meatloaf for dinner. What an amazing world they live in. -- Terri Atheist

• Yeah. I like to think of [Pascal's Wager] not so much as a wager as it being a form of after-life insurance. The problem is that the cost is your integrity and you don't know who to pay the premiums to. -- Ted King

• I think I do [understand God]. I actually think a good working definition of "atheist" is "one who understands what a god is". It is like "magic". Once you understand how the trick is done it is no longer "magic". Understanding destroys faith. -- Mark Richardson

• Why does he think that [fetuses] ever had souls? Wouldn't an omnicient god know each and every fetus that would be aborted, or even the vastly greater number that will miscarry, and simply save himself the trouble by not implanting a soul in the first place? Seems to me that a god who implants souls in embryos that he knows will never be born would not be the omnipotent creator of the universe, but rather merely the patron deity of bureaucratic inefficiency. -- Peter Walker

• Agnosticism, quite frankly, has always struck me as a fairly silly position: no rational person is "agnostic" about the existence of unicorns, leprechauns, dragons, gnomes, et al. Why is the "God" concept granted a special status? -- raven1

• Actually, that's not a bad definition, when you look at the properties of love as best we know them: Love is all in your head, it has no objective existance. Love is not a person - it has no thoughts, no ideals, and no personality of its own. Love is generally claimed to be a good thing, but people often do some very nasty and evil things in the name of love. Love did not create the world, did not create people, etc. Hrm. Now just replace the word 'love' with the word 'god' in the above sentences about love, and you will see that saying that 'God is love' is actually a statement of strong atheism." *grins* -- Abner Mintz

• In response to: If someone refused to take an oath to God, he should not be permited to set on a jury.

  On the other hand, if someone is convinced that a water-walking, wine-conjuring carpenter was the son of a contradictory omnipotent pixie which couldn't defeat an iron chariot, they'd be prime jury material? -- socode

• Here's the central question: WHY do you beg him to forgive you? Begging the god to forgive you obviously implies that you don't think he would otherwise. And if he wouldn't, what of it? Don't you trust the god's judgment? If the god decides you should go to hell for your sins, who are you to beg otherwise? To do so would be denying the judgment of the god and suggesting an alternative. Do you think the righteous judgment of the god can be improved by the self-serving wishes of a sinner such as yourself? -- Denis Loubet

• Prayer is the act of asking an unproven omniscient, omnibenevolent, omnipotent entity to help you with problems he should already know about in ways he should already want to using effort that costs him nothing. -- Jeff Dee

• What mean, small minded unhappy wowsers these people fearful of Harry Potter books and magic 8 balls must be. These people who live in a world of dangerous ghosts and demons and are surrounded by live people who act as their agents. These sad sacks are the force behind censorship, anti sex education, and anti condom availability. What very sad wet blankets of lives they must lead because of the "horrible" things that can happen or the nasty things people might do or think. They are not "saved". They are frightened of their own shadows. If a hypothetical heaven is full of these sorts then who would want to go there. -- Meteorite Debris

• A truly unselfish act would be a Christian volunteering to have his soul take your soul's place in hell, so yours could go to Heaven. Don't hold your breath. -- John Popelish

• A sacrifice is not a sacrifice by definition if you get back what you supposedly sacrificed. At best, Jesus can be considered to have been inconvenienced for your sins. -- raven1

• In response to: I apologize. I'm late with the ballots this month, and I feel terrible.

  I'd forgive you, but I don't have a son to kill. -- Gregory A Greenman

• I suggest we go one further, we preface *all* science text books with a warning that all of science is only a theory and should be challenged wherever the evidence is shaky. That, after all, is what science does anyway. -- Levy Oates

• In response to: If man evolved from apes, why are there still apes?"

  My favorite response is: "If man was created from dust, why is there still dust?" -- callmejay

• In response to: What was God doing before humans?

  Figuring out exactly when to start time, and where to put space. -- Red

• From talk.origins, in response to: Darwin's theory of sexual selection is completely useless. Homosexuality and hermaphodites obviously contradict his theory.

  Yes, they are obvious evidence of special creation by the biblical god.